Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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