She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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