is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
