I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
