i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
