i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
