Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
