CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pooping to opera.
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