As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
