getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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