brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
