pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
