Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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