I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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