You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
