I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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