So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
