Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
