i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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