the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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