I am spending my child support on dildos
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
