summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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