what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
