You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize