You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
