That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
