woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
