I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
