so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
