my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
