the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He passed out mid-signature
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
