Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
