Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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