a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
