I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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