She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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