That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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