it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
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his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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