She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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