How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
