please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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