Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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