Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
