we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
