you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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