My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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