the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you never un-have a 4some
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
