Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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