hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
