Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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