i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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