I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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