We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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