Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
