i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
