is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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