About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
