I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
