birth control should be required to get into college
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
