Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
