if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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