I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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